This was, and still is definitely the most difficult of all the other Callings, simply because it was the first time coming out of my comfort zone, and I needed to go through the Dark Valley of Death and Grief.
I grew up under the parenting of a naggy, very protective mother, and a disciplinary silent father. The fact that I have two youngest sisters meant that I was basically living in a female dominance family background. My path to puberty was direction-less, confusing, anxious and lots of “secrets”. Being an introvert, I kept to myself and accustomed to be a loner. I spent my entire childhood physically behind closed doors and emotionally behind “closed walls”. The Birth of Disconnection.
Moving fast forward to adulthood, I was lucky to meet someone and got married. We have a great marriage with the usual “conflicts and fights” as most normal couples. We have lots of holidays visiting many countries, lots of fun and enjoyable memories of celebrations and recreations. Seven years into marriage, my wife contracted stomach cancer. It was devastating and hard. For three years, we went through countless treatments, therapies, hospital visits and stays, side effects, financial difficulties etc., My life consisted of working, after work visiting my late wife in hospital till visiting hours was over, and back home to finish my assignments/ study for exam as I was in the midst of my part time Psychology Degree program.
During the last few days of her life, we started to have more deeper talks about death, how I should move on, how to cope and more. Suddenly she posed a statement, “How I wish we have more of such talks in the past so that I can understand you better.” This became an inquiry for me: “Why and what is stopping me from being vulnerable so that I can connect?”
Her death left me in the darkest Valley of Death and Grief. Consciously I made an effort to recover in a year’s time but unconscious to me, it took me 3-4 years for me to reconcile what had happened. Her unfulfilling wish to connect to me became my greatest regret “eating into me”. The journey out of this Valley was hard but I was lucky to have a handful of friends that stood alongsided me.
Now I know that death was inevitable and I know that it was destiny that brought us together. Deep inside I knew that I was the only one who could support her and be with her in both health and sickness. If life can restart, I will still choose this marriage even if I know it will ended in the same death. I felt privileged to be chosen. I also made a commitment to be the first to be vulnerable in my relationship. I learned to open up to express my feelings. I am grateful that my present wife was able to accept my past and I try my utmost best to be the one who initiates to talk, apologise or resolve whenever we have conflicts. This Elixir I gained in my Journey to Connection has helped and opened up my life to freedom, authenticity and power.
As a Co-Active Connection Coach, I love to help people to get connected to their deeper self. There is an Oasis of Values, Life Purpose, Resources, Creativities and Hidden Potentials to be discovered and explored. We need to dig deep but the Journey and Elixir gained are worth it.