Following up on my The Judge in the New Normal World, my Judge used comparison with others to wispher lie that “I am not good enough” when I “see the success of others” on social media during the pandemic. I grew up in a family where my parents used comparison among siblings, neighbours’ and relatives’ kids, to what I believed was to spur us to be better. I learnt that self-validation, self-acceptance and self-love were conditional. This conceived the child of Hyper-Achiever.
Hyper-Achiever depends on constant performance for self-respect and self-validation. Hence it re-directs all my focus onto external success and ignoring deeper emotional relationship needs. The Judge and Hyper-Achiever create a constant chaotic environmental culture for me. On one hand I have all the feelings of not good enough, while on the other hand, I need to perform and achieve to proof myself. I became an expert in covering up insecurities and showing up with a positive image. I kept people at safe distance. I must be the best at what I do else I won’t even bother to go onboard.
Hyper-Achiever is not True Achiever
How my Hyper-Achiever was impacting my performance and effectiveness? It maked me too emotional attached to my results and performance. I am worthy as long as I am successful and people think well of me. This drained my emotions so much, leaving me in much negativities. These negative emotionals in turn would cloud my decisions and choices. My Judge would team up with my Hyper-Achiever, lying to me that i would be happy when i achieved highest achievement. However, this was bad because it tied my self worth based on to my performance. There would be no peace. My High-Achiever like a monster that’s always hungry, I have this constant want to perform in the most harmful way.
I am so focused on the goal to achieve, that I tend to view people as object or goal and not as human being which impact my performance when working with others. I tend to forget the importance of personal relationships, the power of authenticity and vulnerability.
I tied so much of performance and success to my identity that I became so stressed up and lost my view of one being Naturally Creative, Resourceful and Whole. In the end I achieve less instead of more. What resulted at the end of the day were negative emotions, constant stress, self-doubts, treating people as objectives.
On my schedule, I have promised myself to set up the spot with Mari on her Award winning Radio Show “Dare to be Authentic” on Mid May 2020. I totally agreed that lots of unscheduled stuffs and tasks popping up in my life during the COVID-19 pandemic. However, deep now in my heart, I knew that there was a part of me feeling the fear of appearing live in a Radio Show! What if I started to be tongue tied while in conversation? What if I became scattered brained and said things that didn’t make sense at all? …. So many “what if”s …. Somehow I found lots of “reasons” for putting it on hold. Wait. Pause. I needed to accept that those voices were that of my Hyper-Achiever! Here I was going on a “Dare to be Authentic” Radio and I was not even being authentic! I was so glad that I finally made it on the show in early June. It was a beautiful experience and love how Mari Mitchell led the conversation!
Sure, you can still listen to the replay of the conversation in the Radio Show via this link https://www.blogtalkradio.com/marimitchellporter/2020/06/04/mastering-your-own-life-with-kindaichi-lee