Victim of Me

Some where in my childhood past, I have had the painful experience of not feeling seen and accepted. I came to term that there must be something wrong with me. Subconsciously I found ways to find affection and attention from people around me. I kept to myself to prove I was lonely; I threw a tantrum on others to know that I was not being understood; I did silly things that I was too ashamed to admit, to prove I was special and different. Bottom line, I was playing the strategy in playing Victimization.

Growing up, I used emotions and temperaments as ways to gain attention and affection. When I get criticized or misunderstood, I would tend to withdraw, sulk and pout. When things didn’t go my way, I would instantly say “poor me”, “why do terrible things always happen to me?” or “I am so uniquely flawed, nobody will understand me”.

The more I led my life based on this limiting belief, the more I became negative and feeling losuy about my self. I needed to break from this victimization life cycle.

The Victim saboteur justified my limiting beliefs through lies. Lie number 1 – In this way, I would be able to get the love and attention that I should have deserved. Lie number 2 – Sadness is a noble thing that brings exceptional depth, insight and sensitivity into my life.

I connected to my past and made consious awareness of this limiting belief. I became fully aware of how this belief was not serving me in moving forward in life. It disconnects and disengages me with people closest to me. I have learnt to connect to my present and be mindful whenever I slipped into the victimized psyche. In the past whenever I sensed a little criticism from my wife, I would be triggered and ended up with argumentive “fights”. Now I could most of the time understand that those were just concerning remarks.

Having this saboteur in your life would not just affect your personal life but it would have impact in your growth and performance as a leader or enterprenuer.

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