The Call to Adventure – Recognising the Need for Change in Your Parenting Journey

Hey there, fellow adventurers on this wild ride we call parenting. Welcome back to my blog, your weekly dose of insights into building stronger connections, understanding ourselves better, and navigating the beautiful chaos of family life.

For the past ten weeks, we’ve been charting our course through the fascinating landscape of the Hero’s Journey. We’ve explored how this timeless framework, found in countless stories and myths, mirrors our own personal and professional growth. And as we all know, the journey of a parent is perhaps the most epic and transformative of them all.

This week, we arrive at a pivotal stage: The Call to Adventure.

In the classic Hero’s Journey, the Call to Adventure is the moment when the hero’s ordinary world is disrupted. It’s an invitation, sometimes subtle, sometimes jarring, to step outside their comfort zone and embark on a journey of change and growth. Think Luke Skywalker finding R2-D2, or Dorothy being swept away to Oz. It’s the catalyst that sets everything in motion.

Now, you might be thinking, “My life as a parent is already an adventure! What more could there be?” And you’d be right. Parenting is a constant stream of challenges, joys, and unexpected twists. But the “Call to Adventure” we’re talking about today is more specific. It’s about those moments, those whispers (or sometimes shouts) from within ourselves, our children, or our family dynamics that signal a need for evolution in our parenting approach.

As I’ve always believed, and continue to champion, authenticity is the bedrock of effective leadership. This holds true whether you’re leading a team at work or guiding your family at home. And authentic leadership isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being real, being present, and being willing to grow.

Recognising these “calls to adventure” in our parenting journey is absolutely crucial for cultivating that authentic leadership within our families. Ignoring them can lead to stagnation, frustration, and a disconnect with our children. Embracing them, however, opens the door to deeper understanding, stronger bonds, and a more fulfilling family life.

So, this week, let’s put on our explorer hats and delve into the art of hearing the call. How do we recognise those moments that challenge our current parenting style and signal the need for change? How do we, as the leaders of our families, tune into these vital signals?

Think of it this way: your current parenting approach is your “ordinary world.” It’s the way you’ve always done things, the strategies you’ve relied on, the beliefs you hold about raising your children. But then, something shifts. Maybe your once-compliant toddler starts throwing epic tantrums. Perhaps your teenager, who used to confide in you, now retreats into silence. Or maybe you, as a parent, find yourself constantly stressed, overwhelmed, or feeling like you’re just not connecting with your kids the way you used to.

These are potential “calls to adventure.” They are disruptions to the norm, signs that your current map might need updating, that a new path might need to be forged.

Why is Recognising the Call So Important for Authentic Parenting Leadership?

Let’s be honest, change can be scary. It’s easier to stick with what we know, even if it’s not working perfectly. We might tell ourselves, “This is just a phase,” or “That’s just how kids are.” And sometimes, that’s true. But often, these are avoidance tactics, ways to sidestep the uncomfortable truth that we might need to adjust our approach.

Authentic leadership, in any context, requires self-awareness and a willingness to adapt. As parents, we are constantly modelling behaviour for our children. If we demonstrate a resistance to growth and change, what message does that send? Conversely, when we show our children that we are willing to learn, to evolve, and to meet them where they are, we build trust, respect, and a stronger connection.

Ignoring the “Call to Adventure” in parenting can lead to:

• Increased Conflict: When our parenting style no longer aligns with our children’s needs or developmental stage, friction is inevitable.
• Strained Relationships: A lack of adaptation can lead to feelings of being misunderstood, unheard, and disconnected on both sides.
• Missed Opportunities for Growth: Every challenge in parenting is an opportunity for us to learn more about ourselves, our children, and the dynamics of our family. Ignoring these challenges means missing out on valuable growth.
• Inauthenticity: If we continue to parent in a way that doesn’t feel right anymore, or that doesn’t align with our values, we risk becoming inauthentic leaders in our own homes. Our children will sense this disconnect.

On the other hand, embracing the “Call to Adventure” can lead to:

• Stronger Bonds: When we actively seek to understand and respond to the changing needs of our children, we build deeper connections based on empathy and respect.
• Personal Growth: Navigating the challenges of parenting forces us to confront our own limitations, biases, and beliefs, leading to significant personal growth.
• More Effective Parenting: By adapting our strategies, we become more effective in guiding and supporting our children’s development.
• Authentic Leadership: When we lead with a willingness to learn and grow, we model resilience, adaptability, and genuine care for our children’s well-being. This is the essence of authentic leadership at home.

Common “Calls to Adventure” in Your Parenting Journey:

These calls can manifest in various ways. Here are some common examples to consider:

• Changes in Your Child’s Behaviour: A sudden shift in your child’s temperament, mood, or behaviour can be a significant call. This could be increased irritability, withdrawal, defiance, or changes in sleep or eating patterns. While some behavioural changes are normal developmental stages, persistent or drastic shifts might indicate an underlying need that isn’t being met.
• Increased Conflict and Arguments: If your household feels like a constant battleground, with frequent arguments and power struggles, it’s a clear sign that something needs to change. This could be related to communication styles, expectations, or unmet needs.
• Your Own Feelings of Frustration and Burnout: Your emotional state is a powerful indicator. If you consistently feel overwhelmed, stressed, resentful, or like you’re failing as a parent, it’s a call to adventure for yourself. You might need to re-evaluate your expectations, seek support, or adjust your parenting strategies to create more balance.
• Observing Negative Patterns: Do you notice recurring negative patterns in your family interactions? Perhaps you always resort to yelling when frustrated, or maybe your children consistently shut down when you try to talk to them. Recognising these patterns is the first step towards breaking them.
• Ineffective Strategies: What worked for your child at age five might not work at age ten, and certainly not at age fifteen. If your go-to parenting techniques are no longer yielding the desired results, it’s time to explore new approaches.
• Significant Life Events: Major life changes, such as a new sibling, a move, a job loss, or a divorce, can significantly impact family dynamics and require adjustments in your parenting.
• A Gut Feeling: Sometimes, you might not be able to pinpoint a specific reason, but you have a nagging feeling that something isn’t quite right. Trust your intuition. It’s often a subtle but powerful “call to adventure.”
• Feedback from Others: While it’s important to filter advice, sometimes feedback from your partner, older children, or trusted friends and family can offer valuable insights into areas where you might need to evolve.

How to Hear the Call:

How do you actually hear this “Call to Adventure” amidst the daily whirlwind of parenting? Here’s my take, drawing on my own experiences and the principles of emotional intelligence and relationship mastery. Think of this as your practical guide to tuning into those vital signals.

1. Pay Attention, Dammit: Seriously. In today’s hyper-connected world, we’re often so busy, so distracted, that we miss the subtle cues. Put down your phone. Step away from the screen. Be present with your kids. Observe their body language, listen to their tone of voice, and truly pay attention to what’s happening in your family. It sounds simple, but it’s the foundation of everything.
2. Listen Like You Mean It: Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Really listen to your children. Try to understand their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. Ask open-ended questions. Validate their feelings. When they’re expressing frustration or sadness, try to see the world through their eyes. Deep listening is a superpower in any relationship, especially with your kids.
3. Reflect Honestly (Even When It Hurts): This is where the real work happens. Take some time for self-reflection. Ask yourself tough questions. Am I happy with the current dynamic in our family? Are my children thriving? Am I responding to situations in a way that aligns with my values? Be honest with yourself, even if the answers are uncomfortable. Growth rarely happens in our comfort zones.
4. Seek Feedback (Wisely): Don’t be afraid to ask for input. Talk to your partner. If your children are old enough, have open conversations with them about how things are going. You might be surprised by their insights. Just remember to create a safe space for them to share their thoughts without fear of judgment. And filter the feedback you receive. Not all advice is good advice, but sometimes, an outside perspective can be incredibly valuable.
5. Trust Your Gut (It’s Smarter Than You Think): That nagging feeling, that sense that something needs to shift – don’t dismiss it. Your intuition is a powerful tool, honed by years of experience and observation. Learn to trust those inner whispers. They often signal a “Call to Adventure” even before you can consciously articulate it.
6. Embrace the Mess (Because It’s Inevitable): Change isn’t always neat and tidy. There will be bumps in the road, setbacks, and moments when you feel like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back. That’s okay. Embrace the messiness of growth. It’s part of the journey.
7. Don’t Be Afraid to Experiment (Fail Forward): Not every new approach will be a home run. That’s part of the learning process. Be willing to try different strategies, to experiment with new ways of communicating or setting boundaries. If something doesn’t work, don’t beat yourself up about it. Learn from it and try something else. This is how we evolve.
8. Remember Your “Why” (Your North Star): Why did you want to be a parent in the first place? What are your core values when it comes to raising your children? Reconnecting with your “why” can provide clarity and motivation when you’re facing a “Call to Adventure.” It helps you stay grounded and focused on what truly matters.
9. Be Kind to Yourself (Parenting is Hard): This journey is not always easy. There will be days when you feel like you’re failing. On those days, remember to be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can. Acknowledge your efforts, celebrate small victories, and don’t be afraid to seek support when you need it.

The Fear of the Call:

It’s natural to feel a sense of resistance or fear when faced with a “Call to Adventure.” Change can be unsettling. We might worry about making mistakes, about not knowing what to do, or about the discomfort of stepping outside our familiar routines.

Recognise these fears, but don’t let them paralyse you. Remember that growth often lies just beyond the edge of our comfort zone. Embracing the “Call to Adventure” isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about being willing to seek them, to learn, and to evolve.

The Rewards of Answering the Call:

While the journey might have its challenges, the rewards of answering the “Call to Adventure” in your parenting are immense. You’ll build stronger, more authentic relationships with your children. You’ll grow as an individual. You’ll create a more harmonious and supportive family environment. And you’ll become a more effective and authentic leader in your own home.

In Conclusion:

The “Call to Adventure” in parenting isn’t a one-time event; it’s a recurring theme throughout our journey. As our children grow and change, as our family dynamics evolve, we will inevitably face moments that challenge our current approach. The key is to cultivate the awareness, the courage, and the willingness to recognise these calls and to embark on the necessary journey of growth.

Authentic leadership in the family isn’t about having all the answers or being the perfect parent. It’s about being present, being willing to learn, and being brave enough to evolve alongside your children. So, listen closely, trust your gut, and embrace the adventure. The most rewarding growth often happens when we answer the call.

Until next week, keep nurturing those relationships and leading with authenticity.

Kindaichi Lee

Your Storytelling & Transformative Partner