The Ordeal: When Parenting Hits You Like a Ton of Bricks (But You Emerge Stronger)

Last week, we went inward, into the Abyss, facing our personal demons. This week? We’re looking outward because parenting will throw you into the fire. In the Hero’s Journey, it’s called “The Ordeal.”

Look, parenting isn’t a walk in the park. It’s a series of unexpected challenges, curveballs that come out of nowhere and hit you when you’re already exhausted and questioning your life choices.

We’re talking about those moments that push you to your absolute limits, where you feel like you’re going to break. But here’s the thing: you won’t. You’ll bend, you’ll maybe even crack a little, but you’ll come out the other side stronger.

What “The Ordeal” Looks Like in Parenting

It’s not just one big thing; it’s a constant barrage of:

Crises: Medical emergencies, job losses, family deaths – the big, life-altering events that shake your foundation.
Developmental Storms: The terrible twos, the angsty teens, the “why won’t you just listen to me” years. Each stage brings its own unique brand of chaos.
Behavioral Meltdowns: Your kid decides to have a full-blown tantrum in the middle of a fancy restaurant. Or starts down a path of self-destructive behavior.
Systemic Failures: Schools that fail your child, healthcare systems that let you down, societal pressures that make you want to scream.

The common thread? These are the moments where you feel utterly powerless, where you question your ability to handle it all.

Why Parenting Is Designed to Break You (and Rebuild You)

Here’s the messed-up beauty of it: These ordeals are necessary.

They Forge Resilience: You don’t know how strong you are until you’re tested. Parenting pushes you beyond what you thought you could handle, and you rise to the occasion.
They Force Growth: You can’t stay the same person when you’re navigating these challenges. You learn new skills, you develop new perspectives, you evolve.
They Deepen Compassion: Going through your own struggles makes you more empathetic to your kids’ struggles. You understand their pain on a deeper level.

It’s like forging steel. You have to heat it up, hammer it, quench it. It’s painful, but it makes the metal stronger.

My Guide to Surviving (and Thriving) During The Ordeal

Okay, here’s the action plan for getting through the fire:

Acknowledge the Suck: Don’t sugarcoat it. Don’t pretend it’s not hard. This is brutal, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.
Prioritize Self-Care (Seriously): This isn’t optional. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Sleep, exercise, eat well, find moments of peace. Whatever fills your tank, do it.
Build Your Support System: You need your tribe. Partner, friends, family, therapist, online community – whoever lifts you up, lean on them.
Focus on What You Can Control: In a crisis, you can’t control everything. Focus on your reactions, your choices, your actions. That’s where your power lies.
Practice Radical Acceptance: Some things are just going to suck. Accept the reality of the situation without resistance. This doesn’t mean you like it, but it frees up energy to deal with it.
Find the Lesson: Even in the darkest moments, there’s a lesson to be learned. What is this ordeal teaching you about yourself, your kids, your family?
Celebrate the Small Wins: You got out of bed today? That’s a win. You managed to have a calm conversation with your teen? That’s a win. Acknowledge the small victories to keep your momentum going.

Resilience Isn’t a Destination; It’s a Muscle

You don’t just become resilient. You build it over time, through repeated challenges and recoveries.

It’s About Bouncing Forward, Not Back: Resilience isn’t about returning to your old self; it’s about emerging stronger and wiser.
It’s a Skill You Can Teach Your Kids: By modeling resilience, you’re giving your kids the most valuable tool they’ll ever need.

The Reward Is Coming (Eventually)

I won’t lie; the ordeal sucks. But it doesn’t last forever. There will be moments of joy, connection, and peace again. And when they come, you’ll appreciate them on a whole new level.

So, hang in there, parents. You’re stronger than you think.

Kindaichi Lee

Your Storytelling & Transformative Partner